I Won't Give Up On Us

I have this dream. And this dream is something amazing. This dream is beautiful and perfect... and it is mine. 

But I am afraid. I'm afraid that I can't reach my goals. I'm afraid that I will fail and fall. I am scared that I will shatter and that this wonderful dream would be... gone forever. I am terrified of disappointing myself, others and God. I don't want them to mock me and overlook my efforts.

Failing -- it's not a great experience. It's not something that I look forward to everyday. And I can't say that I'm "alright" even after working hard and being rejected. Let me give you examples:

1. Failing the test that you studied so hard for
2. Being scolded by your mom even after you tidied your room
3. Being rejected even after being brave to confess
4. Finding out that your crush likes someone else after trying to be close to him
5. Breaking up with your long time boyfriend
6. Losing your childhood best friends

And that's not all of it. One word: OUCH.

I actually had an interesting experience to write this post today.  Our reporting for a certain class is today. And it didn't go that well. I don't want to elaborate the details but I'll share how it felt.

I really didn't care much about the grade. I just really felt disappointed in me. I could've done better. I mean, given the time and resources, I'm sure that it'll work out. But I can't reverse the time... so I can just sigh. I want to blame someone but I find that every party is guilty one way or another. I want to be sad or to be angry... but nothing. I failed. What's the point in dwelling over the emotions that won't help? I'll just take this as a challenge and do better next time.

I Crush You

"I feel so crazy! Why can't I just look him in the eye? He must think that I'm an anti-social girl." 
"Why do I care so much about him, anyway?"
"I wish that he will be my group mate for this project!"
"He looks so handsome in that shirt."
"I hope that he'll notice me today."
"He's coming! Ssh."
"I think-- I- I think I'm falling for him."


Him and He. That guy. I didn't even mention a name but I'm sure that there's someone who entered your mind. Someone probably special that became a part of your life. Someone whom you often think about or FANTASIZE about. It's that person who can immediately brighten up your day or bring you down. It's him who can cause you to feel different conflicting feelings.

It's all about Mr. Crush. 


Picture this. You are sitting idly on the school grounds, waiting for a friend or browsing your notes. You planned something that day and you are just on schedule. But then something catches your eyes... or more likely, someone. He's in that ordinary casual attire that anyone should barely notice. He doesn't look that good either. You remember him from somewhere but you can't really recall entirely. And then you see it. The way his eyes catch the sun's warm glow. The way his smile sends out a wave of excitement within you. The way his hair bounces up and down so beautifully. The way you hold each other's gaze for less than a second but it's enough to take your breathe away. From that moment on, you should realize that you have already been Mr. Crush's victim.

Having a crush is like a part of life. I have my friends who say that if you don't experience having a crush, you are abnormal. Crushes are simple attractions. There's one thing about him that you like. It can be a good thing. You'll always feel light and inspired. Having Mr. Crush around can push you to look better, to study harder and to experience KV's or kilig vibes. They'll make your days colorful and more meaningful by just a glance at your direction.

To be honest, without having a crush, my high school life would be as dull as ever. Without him, I would never have had found out that some things that happens in movies can happen in real life. I would never experience happy days in school. I would not get that first dance during my Graduation Ball. I won't treat the number special in one way or another. My feelings for him might be in the past now but I would still thank him for the wonderful memories that we shared.

Unfortunately, there are two CON's on having a crush.

The first one is OBSESSION. When you really really like someone, you want to know everything about him... his family background, his address, his hobbies, his favorite show, his favorite song... etc. There comes the Facebook stalking, the constant observing, and the trying to get closer stage. Then you'd be daydreaming about him and thinking of him constantly. He'll be imprinted on your daily schedule. Soon, the 8:00 studying period will be 8:00 crush daydreaming period. Your attention will revolve on him and you'll do everything for him to notice you. You'll forget everything else. And when you go too far, you suddenly get really hurt. And forgetting him... everything about him will be extra hard. You remember everything about him clearly. You even forgot yourself for him. He became your everything for a brief moment in your life. It won't be easy to let your everything go.

The second one is EXPECTATION. So there he is. In some twisted way, you mind will be able to create a Happily-ever-after for the two of you. And you will hold on to that. You'll begin to imagine things like he's looking at you or he purposely brushed against you. You'll think that he likes you too. And then the feeling of   "simple attraction" seems to be something more. You'll think that you're falling in love. All the signs seem to be there and your heart seems to be ready. But it really isn't. You end up hurting. He doesn't like you that way. Everything that you hoped for was a lie.. because it is. You fabricated it... imagined it. And sadly, it hurts you.

Well, my point is, having a crush is a/an ____________ experience. It can be any kind of experience that you want. It will always depend on you. You can make it wonderful or terrible. It's your blank to fill. But whatever you make of it, it will always be a journey. It will be a part of your life.

I Crush You. Happy Eleven! :)

Song Covers

I like to sing songs. That's one of the reasons why I decided to make covers of a few special songs.

So this is a special song to me. If you watch the video, there's a message at the end saying that Terrified is my "eleven song". There's a story behind the eleven song thing. It's not really applicable now but I'm going to say it anyway. On a February 11, it was our school's Foundation Day celebration. There's this marriage booth where I set-up my friend and her crush. But after their "ceremony", my crush arrived and you know what happened. This was the song playing during the whole event. A few days, weeks and months after that, this song will always make me feel warm and soft inside. I know, I sound like a crazy love sick girl... Maybe I was. Durinng those times, I made this cover.

Now this second cover is Taylor Swift's Sparks Fly. She's one of my favorite singers and this is my favorite song of hers. "sparks fly whenever you smile" That's the best line in the song for me. And again, it had something to do with my previous crush. That line is very applicable to him. Also, I have a very important memory connected to this song. It's one of the songs that I successfully sang in public.

In the Cyber World

I was logged on to Facebook when I was scrolling down my News Feed. I encountered new faces that I didn't usually see for the past years that I've been using the site. Most of them are my block mates in college. The notifications written on my News Feed are about him adding her. Her adding him. I've been doing the same for the past days too. I guess, we will only really feel connected once we contacted each other in the cyber world.

It's so different on FB and inside our classrooms. At school, I can only talk to a handful of people... talk in a way that is more than just a small talk about the homework. There are about ten people that I opened up to about myself. Yes, I can talk as in say things to others but it's different. But online, I suddenly feel more brave. I can comment, post and say anything that I want without being conscious. Even my other block mates feel the same. Randomly, one of them will contact me to say something. Some will ask about requirements. A few will just check on me and try to initiate a conversation.

The real world and the cyber world seem to exist in two different universes. The first one seems to be harsh and scary for some. If you're a pessimist, reality will always be an imperfect place to live in. There are too many problems to solve and too many risks to take. The cyber world may look like an escape.... a place where you can start all over again. It can be a fabricated paradise where you can be bolder even at the comfort of your home. You can suddenly do this and say that.

I guess, the point of this blog entry is to show the differences of the two. And also, I'd just like to say that both worlds have their loopholes. The only way to make our stay in both places happy is to be responsible for everything we do. Let us not hide from the harsh reality. Let us not compose a perfect life and live it recklessly. Let us make right decisions... ones that we will not regret.

Archenemies

Love is the most painful type of revenge.

So I will feature my second novel today-- Archenemies.

It's a novel where I wrote about a modified version of my 3rd and 4th year high school experiences. It started the day after a group meeting in Filipino where I was group mates with my crush at that time. At first, I was just planning to make it a short story... but then I got more and more readers (some are even my classmates) so I continued it. The characters are based on my friends and some of the scenes are based on my life.

"That guy, Vince hates me and I hate him too. Excluding the whole bullying and arguing thing, it is just a pretty simple deal. Hate here. Hate there. Pretty much, hate everywhere. I just deal with it. Besides, I have school works and awesome friends to think about. He doesn't fit into my tight schedule unless he squeezes himself in it. But I am wrong to underestimate his power for revenge. What I don't know is that love can hurt you more than hate can. And for that, I blame him." --Princess (Archenemies is a story of friendship, family, dreams, love and sacrifice.)

Link for edited version: http://www.wattpad.com/story/1277215-archenemies-improved

Link for old version: http://www.wattpad.com/story/112171-archenemies-ongoing-editing

Growing Up

It's a lot different now. I'm no longer the toddler who shows off her cute tum-tum and dances when her parents tell her to do so. I'm not the chubby cheeked six year old that wears Barbie dresses for a school talent show. I'm not the awkward dressing high school student. I'm a sixteen year old college student who's getting closer and closer to the real world with a tick of the clock.

And since, I'm already older and more mature... I can't help but make changes for myself. I can't help but try to modify a few parts of me so that I can suit my environment.

Dressing up. I'm already more aware of what I'll wear and how I'll look. I guess, a part of me gave in to my insecurities. Let's face it. I want to be beautiful somehow. In my own way, I already know that I am. But that doesn't mean that other people know that. They judge at just a glance. I want to look pretty so that they can be interested in the real me. That's why I buy clothes that will give me a statement or a good impression. It's about time too. Most teenagers have this phase during high school and I'm at college and I'm just starting.

Being better. I want to be a better singer. I want to be a better writer. I want to be a better student. I want to be a better sister and daughter. I exert a lot of effort to make everything just flawless.

Making friends. One of the things that a teenager like me needs is to be accepted. I will only feel that once I make friends. Even if I have tons of friends, it's a little hard for me to make new ones because I'm kind of a shy type at first. I'd prefer if another person will approach me at first. But once I begin to engage in a conversation and open up, it will be smooth from there. I'm the type of person that gives importance to friendship so I choose my friends carefully.

Going for the IN factor. I can't deny it. I sometimes check out what is trending so that I can know what's the talk of the town. When I know what the popular topics are, I feel like I belong at some point. I can talk about it and share things about it.

I'll still be me. I know that. But I still feel like I have to have some changes to improve. I hope I won't go overboard though.

Froshie Life in Three Days

If I count the Froshie Orientation Day, that will be four days in total.

How I expected things to happen:
I'll be a loner for the first day. I'll eat my lunch alone and I'll be super conscious of what other people think of me. I won't be able to talk to much. People will avoid me especially when I study too hard. I'll get lost in the buildings. My professors won't even know that I'm their student. Everything will be a super hard adjustment period for me. I'll miss my old friends. I'll be very very sad.

What really happened:
I had fun. At first I was silent and lonely but I made friend even before half of the day ended. I didn't have to eat my lunch alone. I made two friends that I opened up with on the Orientation Day. I made more friends the following day and we already hang out and share our own Anime fantasies. I laughed genuinely. I talked a lot especially every morning before class starts. I hummed during my free time without being afraid of showing people who I am. I recited during a lecture. I didn't get that lost. I enjoyed listening to some of my professors. I had things and fun experiences to look forward to. I still miss my friends from HS and it felt odd not seeing their faces in the morning. But a part of me has already tried to move on and take a step forward. I will never forget them though.

 It's going to be different for me for the following days but I know that I can make it. My beginning is just fine and I hope I'll make the other days better. One thing that would help me survive college are my new friends and my new boost of self-confidence. God will also guide me for sure.

I plan to exist and life my college life to the fullest.

Eleven Reasons Why

Eleven Reasons Why

The Hunt for True Love begins.

I'm currently trying to write my third novel while editing the first half of my second novel. Before I feature my other stories, I would like to showcase this one.

I was first inspired by the campnanowrimo contest. That's the reason why I decided to finish a novel for a month. My idea for this came from a recent joke with my 4th year high school friends. I was telling them that I might already find my true love. I might bump into him from somewhere. That's where the true love concept came from. The rest just popped out of my mind as I plotted the story.

Here is the wattpad link: http://www.wattpad.com/story/1478362-eleven-reasons-why


Amelia Guinevere Colette Hawthorne is not your typical 16 year old girl. Other than her name and ancestry, this filthy rich daughter of the “next big thing” specifically exists to be a unique creature. On her first day as a junior high student, she unleashes one of her “odd” traits: being a TRUE LOVE FREAK. She will do everything she can to finally fall in love and no one can stop her from finding The One. Yet, she finds herself confused and tangled in the middle of a big mess. There are three guys but only one of her. Will she pursue the hunt or will she wait for the right time to come?

First Step

Welcome to Me!

 This is my first ever post here on Blogger. I would like to create this public blog to share myself to the world. I'd be giving personal accounts and opinions. I'd be placing stories and tidbits of my life.

I gave this blog the title "One Day Pigs Will Fly" because I have a very special reason. During my High School days, my friends tease me of being a "pig". I'm not offended by it. In fact, it became my trademark somehow. And then I remembered this particular saying: "I will believe you... when pigs fly." Pigs flying is said to be something IMPOSSIBLE to accomplish. I would like to prove to everyone that even PIGS can fly someday. Nothing will be impossible if you strive hard and ask for God's help. YOU CAN FLY.