Batch Tadhana BLP: Goodbyes have to start somewhere.

I can't believe I'm even attempting to write this. Right now. After just three days.

How do you tell people that they've changed you? How do you thank them with all you are until your gratefulness resonates in their head, so much that their ears are ringing? How do you make them believe that you will never forget them? How do you send your love from miles away just so they would remember that at one point in your lives you all felt strongly attached to each other?

I have given myself some time to let everything sink in. It's over.

I would no longer wake up, knocking on their doors, calling their phones to ask them to hurry to SGV or to the lobby. I would no longer wander through the corridors of ACCM at three in the morning, business plan in mind. I would no longer be sitting in the bus, singing "Weak" beside Rhoni as we gushed about things I am not allowed to write about here.

It has been an amazing ten days of my life and it still is hard to let everything be in the past, especially since that people I've been with are amazing and I feel like accepting that everything is over also means, in some way, saying goodbye to them. I don't want to say goodbye to them. (Clingy, I know.)

For the past few days, I admit that a cloud has settled over me. It's as if I don't want to accept the reality that I am back in Lipa, doing school works. Instead, I have been daydreaming of working, going all over the Philippines, meeting them whenever I wanted to because I could. And with that, I felt how taxing the distance was, because when I got a glimpse of all the 30 diverse personalities in BLP, I wanted to get to know each one more than time permitted.

Now, the cloud is slowly dissolving. I am beginning to fall back into the routine I was used to before the program. I have to be present in my present or else I would lose the grip on things I have worked hard for. I know that.

But, my fondness for batch Tadhana will never go away. They have been with me as I blossomed and they have taught me things they never know they did.

Like I said during the last night we were all together, I never expected to be attached to them. I have had my fair share of conferences and events and each time, I would walk away as if nothing really happened. I would have memories and lessons to keep, yes, but then, I could easily move on and revert back to the Pollen that had never ending to-do lists for school. With them, that doesn't even seem possible.

These people, from different corners of the Philippines, were there when I started believing in myself.

They didn't know it but I was actually never accepted leadership easily. I have always felt like I needed to lead so rarely did I feel like serving came from my own will. I wasn't confident that I could lead, that I could make a difference because I know that I never really did anything of great caliber. I always just did what I could.

Batch Tadhana challenged me. And being in that kind of environment, speaking up became an achievement in itself. With that, I realized that perhaps even in unlikely situations, I have a purpose. Perhaps I could be worthy to serve.

Also, since we came from different parts of the country, they gave me a bigger perspective on what it means to be a Filipino. The places I've been reading about in books are homes of some. The cultures I used to just study are manifested in real life. They opened my eyes to different realities and just by interacting with them, I am able to fill my heart with stories I could tell in the future.

They also made me realize that it was so easy to make friends. I mean, I could go with anyone and be able to strike a conversation with them. I could ask them questions. They could tell jokes or play mind games. We could go from talking about societal issues to poetry to crushes to our deepest personal insecurities. It was the string of conversations and sometimes, even the comfortable silence that follows it that made me realize that I would be really happy to be friends with them for the longest time. And I would be so honored if I would be in a class with them because the exchange of ideas we'd have would be mind blowing.

They taught me that in ten days, the people I dreaded to socialize with would be the same people I would make a Skype account for. Heart.

I'm just really thankful to have met them. They have become an inspiration to me and to several other people they have touched.

I am yet to recount our ten days. I still have to prepare myself to write them in the past tense. For now, I keep them a secret in my heart.

Batch Tadhana | BLP 2015 | Andrew photography

To Flo, my ever awesome roommate, you have been my only roommate ever and you have raised the bar so high up. I don't think anyone will ever measure up to you. Thank you for the comedic moments especially the almost non-stop conversation we had immediately after we met. Also, I really appreciated that you and I both appreciated being silent. It's like we get how we don't always have to talk. And I feel like in the ten days we were together, our routines are actually in sync and that amazes me. I'm just really happy to have met you. And P.S. we have to meet again because of your necklace.

To Rhoni, nope. Still not giving you a message here. (I still can't say iiiiiiiit. Might get all emotional.)

To Team Kubolusyon, you guys are amazing. You are really talented individuals and it has been so easy to be working with you. And even outside work, it was fun to just bond with you guys and ask you all those cute-sy questions and tell you all those hugot lines. And you have been the people I am closest to in BLP. And I'm really thankful that you are all a part of my life. And I love you all.

To everyone that keeps sending a GM, please don't stop. Getting texts from you guys makes me smile during random times of the day. It warms my heart. I'm so glad I'm not the only one overwhelmed by this separation anxiety.

To all the Batch Tadhana people reading this, thank you for being a part of my life. I don't even think this post is enough to show you that.
Some of you have been waiting for the things I will write from day to day and if you would allow me to write at my own time, I promise that I will try to give justice to how you have made an impact to me. I love you all! Bakit pa kasi tayo naghiwalay?