Biyernes, Abril 24, 2015

BLP Day 1: When Tadhana Began


(edited: 04/26/15 07:12 PM - because I remembered a few stuff I left out)

Disclaimer: I don't think I wrote everything down. Unfortunately.

I remember pacing back and forth, debating whether I should open my hotel door or not. I was hearing voices outside, introducing themselves after getting their snacks from room 910 (the room beside mine) and I suddenly felt the pressure to socialize. You see, I already got my snacks and going out was entirely up to me. And since I wasn’t really feeling up to it at the time, the sight of my bed and the thought of being alone was really tempting.

Then, I got a buzz from Karla. She was inviting me to her room where the others were staying. With that came another dilemma. I suddenly forgot how to deal with people and I felt like I might mess it up. (The struggle is real.)

From the morning I woke up to my arrival at the hotel, I had been feeling the tension building up.
Before I got to the hotel, I was at school first. I met up with my friends as they enrolled for summer classes, and then, I fixed all the last minute to-do’s for school and for the publication before rushing to my mom and sister who had to doll me up in less than ten minutes before the school van picked me up. Because I barely had enough time to get my things in order, I got to the van later than scheduled.

Basically, I was rushing around and I was running out of time all the time.

During the ride to ACCM, my mind wandered. I thought about the ninjas, the academic workload that would have to make up for when I return, him, LMagazine and the fear of not knowing enough business stuff. I slept to shush my thoughts but once I reached Makati, my nerves wouldn’t let me rest.

We got to AIM after driving through McDo for lunch. Apparently, ACCM was on the other side of the road so we had to go around once again. I was actually thankful for being lost because it ate the time I was supposed to use to talk to people. But after another round of going around, we got to the hotel and I checked in about 30 minutes early.

Ms. Jen helped me settle in but after a few minutes of small talk, she left to go back to school. After seeing her off, I went back to my room, where I cherished my time alone. I bumped into Mo on the way though, and being able to hold a conversation with him to me was an achievement already.

Anyway, I was enjoying my time alone, lying on the bed, watching videos until I sensed people already arriving. People arriving meant having to introduce myself to them. Introducing myself to them meant no more me time. (I know I am beginning to sound really anti-social by now but yeah…)

That leads me back to the dilemma of going to Karla’s room. I knew I couldn’t just barge in on my own. I resorted to PM-ing Rhoni, a friend I knew from the final interview, to ask her if she got her snacks and if she would be heading to 913 (Karla’s room) to bond. I was instantly drawn to PM her since she and I were friends on FB even before BLP week and we've chatted for quite a while. She told me she would be going up in a while so I waited for her.

The noise outside my room grew louder. More people were getting their snacks. For a while, I debated on whether or not I should meet Rhoni in my room or in 910. I was literally pacing back and forth, in front of my door, touching the door knob from time to time but not opening it. It was so funny that I even vblogged about the moment, whispering to the camera about what was happening to me, whispering since I didn’t want the people outside to hear me talking.

Eventually, I decided to open the door and thank heavens, Rhoni was outside. I joined her to 910. There, we saw Ms. Chet and a guy sitting on the bed, talking in the phone. I don't know about Rhoni but I swear, I thought the guy was an organizer. Turns out, he was actually a fellow delegate! And that my friends, is how I met Marc. 

Anyway, having a handful of snacks on her hands, I offered to help Rhoni bring her food down to her room. (I think we had an almost awkward miscommunication moment here. Or that might just be on my part. Hahaha.)

In the end, I waited for her in my room again as she kept the snacks before heading to 913 with the rest of the delegates.

When we got to 913, I was temporarily overwhelmed by the number of people I had to meet. I recognized a few familiar faces, Jude, Monica, Mo and Jade since I met them already during the final interview. I’m not sure if LJ was already there.

Hmm. Actually, I’m not totally sure of who was present since all that’s registering to me at the time was that I had to be friendly and there were so many people. Hahaha!

Anyway, I stuck around to the side, by the table. By then, I was beside Jade who initiated small talk. We talked about a common friend from DLSL and that helped me release the tension. Maybe I wasn’t so bad at talking.

(A/N: Just one quick clarification. I’m not really extremely shy. I just panic sometimes. Usually, after getting over my fears, I actually to quite well with people, as proven later in my BLP experience.)

After hanging around for a few minutes, the group decided to watch a movie. The movie that was picked was “That Thing Called Tadhana.” I already watched the film but I didn’t mind watching again since it was a cute-sy movie anyway.

All-throughout the film, I was standing… for the following reasons: 1) Initially, I just really wanted to stand, 2) When I got to the point that I wanted to sit down, I didn’t want to force myself into a spot, 3) It would be a hassle to squeeze myself in, 4) The spots available were near guys and being in a female-dominated course for more than three years where guys are rare species, I wasn’t comfortable with being too close to guys, and 5) It boiled down to being on the matter of pride that since I started standing, I should finish standing too.

Standing wasn’t really that big of a deal though since it allowed me to observe the group well, to see how they reacted to the film, which was nice since that was one way of getting to know them.

At the time, these were my impressions of people: 1) Since Karla and Sarah were on the bed, sitting comfortably, I deduced that they owned the room and that kind of made me think that they have really strong personalities and are confident enough to open doors to people that are practically strangers until of course, BLP began; 2) Mo is really friendly since he keeps talking to people and even if I don’t remember his course at the time, he seemed really techy since he and Justin were the ones setting up the “movie theater”; 3) When Marc arrived, if I’m not mistaken, he sat on Karla’s bed, beside Karla, and that made me think that he might be a touchy feely person; 4) When I first met Jade during the interview, he was really silent so it was actually refreshing to hear him say side comments while watching the movie; 5) Jude and Monica sat beside each other so they looked like chummies and 6) When more people came, I really didn’t dwell on my thoughts that much anymore.

Anyway, standing also allowed me to be the one to open the door for those who came after us, and having something consistent to do actually made me feel like I already belonged in the group.

When the movie was nearing the end, I started feeling for my key card. I placed my hands in my pocket and I realized that I lost it. Thinking I was sure that I brought it, I looked down on the floor to see if I dropped it. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find it so I just tried to keep it cool in my head, pretending that I wasn’t going to begin searching again once the lights go back on.

The movie ended and the make-shift theater we made reverted back into a hotel room.

There were still people who came after the movie. They were the delegates from Mindanao.
I was secretly searching for my key card when I overheard one of them asking about a roommate from 909. With that, I joined the conversation and asked if one of them was Eileen Velasco (that was the name of my roommate that I read off the list when I checked in). One girl from the group said yes and told me about how she forgot her key card inside the room. Thinking that that’s what might have happened to me too, I told her how I think I did the same thing.

We decided to go back to the receptionist at the lobby to get another key card. Then, we went back to 909 where, ta-dah, I found my key card on the floor.

After settling the forgotten key cards, my roomie and I talked. She told me how she prefers to be called Florence and how she came from Cagayan and I sort of introduced myself too. Then we hit it off, talking about our shyness, our struggle as introverts, our love for books, how we value quality art, our schools, our courses, our hopes for the future and a whole ton of stuff. For hours, I think we were just talking. But there were also moments of silence. Perhaps they were resting periods or something. But to me, the silence was okay and I didn’t really feel the need to fill it up. We just talked and kept quiet when we wanted to and the friendship didn’t feel forced.

It actually blew my mind how it was so easy to click with her. We were similar in a lot of ways and I was really happy to be roomed with her. In my head, I wondered if AmCham had a psychologist or something check the compatibility of the delegates before they roomed them together. I swear, it boggled my mind that I would find a person like her existing.

Anyway, after a while, we decided to go down since we heard noises outside the door. It wasn’t 7 PM yet, the supposed call time for dinner, but Flo had a gut-feel that people were already going to the lobby. Turns out she was right. We just didn’t get the message or something.

Down at the lobby, it was the first time that all 31 of us gathered together. For a moment, I was temporarily star struck. I mean, with me are 30 amazing people and I would be meeting them all, officially that night.

We walked to AmCham and that was the first night I walked down the streets of Makati. In my head, I relished the sights as if it would be the only time I’d pass by them. I didn’t even bother memorizing the path we went by (not knowing that I would be going there over and over again for the week.)

We got to the AmCham office and we sat around the tables joined together. I sat beside Rhoni and Flo originally but we accommodated those who came in late to sit beside us.

Before dinner, people from AmCham oriented us and gave us guidelines. We met Sir David and Ms. Leslie. They gave us an overview on BLP and what they expect from us. We also had the chance to introduce ourselves. Then, we were given copies of the Malaya newspaper and our BLP bags with freebies and shirts. Afterwards, we had dinner and then we went back to the hotel. I remember being warned to sleep early for the days ahead and I think I didn’t follow that and regretted it the morning after. Hahaha.

(Actually, now that I think about it, I remember watching the movie "Perfume" in 913. It was a gore-y kind of film, the kind I would not pick deliberately. But since I wanted to bond with the others, even if I didn't really like small talks and all that, I sat through the film. To prevent me from getting too shocked, I already googled the plot and the book that it was adapted from. Of course, the book was waaaay better and a ton more gross. Anywaaaay, we finished the movie by 1 AM. I think. And that time, I already sat on the floor. And that time, more people were there and most of us was on the floor and I tried not to mind that I was around guys.)

I think I didn’t really try to take in much of the night partially because I was overwhelmed that I was actually in BLP. That night was the night that it began to feel real and I didn’t even understand what I was doing there. I was the only communication student. I didn’t think business. And I didn’t exactly know how to fit in.

All those worries swam in my head. I didn’t know how to survive for ten days dealing with all of those thoughts. But maybe it was destiny that brought me there. After all, the me-getting-to-BLP process was a miracle in itself. (That’s another story).


I held on tightly to the idea that God must’ve wanted me in BLP. I just didn’t understand why yet.

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