Miyerkules, Abril 30, 2014

Fash Dash: Week 2 Day 2

I haven't been dressing up recently. :) I was planning to, yesterday, but apparently, my dress was too short.

Top: short red native-inspired dress
Bottoms: Maong pants
Footwear: Brown native-inspired step-in
It would've look better if I wore shorts but that's not allowed in school. I would've also loved a tighter pair of pants and boots to match everything.

Grass-cutting and standing up for what you believe in

I know that this is unfair but I'm nicer to my brother compared to my other siblings.


I've always seen him as "the little boy that cries when I leave for school". I'm always protective of him and often kinder when I reprimand him. And despite his lapses, I still choose to see the good in him because I've always been one of his avid fans. Whatever he does, I would try to understand because I know that my brother is a good man and he has his own set of principles to guide his life.

So one day, when I thought that he needed reinforcement from me, I helped him. Helping him in a way that I had to apprehend a decision from the higher-ups.

Despite the obvious negative consequences of that "help," I choose to look at the situation in a positive light: a sister supporting her brother; a girl standing up for what she believes in. I still didn't fully realize my mistake until I was asked to cover for his chore (which was some sort of punishment on my part.) Since I helped him, he wouldn't go to finish grass-cutting so I had to do it. He promised that he'll come down to take over after one game so I'd only have to cover for him until then.

And again, I believed him. I went out to do his chore despite my discomfort with working outside. And the pain on my arms and lower back that was heightened as I did it.

As I worked and waited, I started to doubt him. Was it worth it anymore? Was he worth it?

After a few minutes, he did come down to continue it and I was relieved because at least he didn't leave me there.

My brother, he has his moments. He can be really sweet then insensitive. But the things is, though I love him to bits, I can't tolerate his insensitivity anymore because it's affecting the family.

For years, me, Ish and Kate have been making up for all the work he thought he had the luxury of not doing. We literally manned up for him. We were always understanding him and going a whole new direction for him. We sacrificed a little bit more from our share because he couldn't. We matured faster because he wouldn't. And now, maybe it's time for him to see that.

I will support him with all my heart but I want him to prove to me that he is worth my support. He has to know that life isn't about free-loading.

Linggo, Abril 27, 2014

28-day Challenge: day 5: Introducing my Family

From left to right: Kate, JP, Mom, Dad, Ish
To make this quick, I'll describe them according to the letters of their first names.

Kyowti, Anime lover, Talkative, Ecstatic, Loving, Energetic, Emotional, Never say Never (?)
Jolly (when he's downstairs), Playful (when he's downstairs)
Girly, Intelligent, Respected, Loving, Epitome of Cleanliness
God-fearing, Innovative, Optimistic, Very nice (a little too much), Adorable, Nice (for emphasis), Never runs out of jokes, Intelligent (sige na nga. haha)
Pretty (shhh, don't tell her), Adorable, Tactful, Really hygienic, Intelligent, Cuddly (even with no bones), Amazing (just the way she is)

Throwback poem: "You when you're not there"


Sabado, Abril 26, 2014

28-day Challenge: Day 4: Random Ramblings

Truth? I'm tired of having to do things because it makes me feel restrained.

That's my current thought for the moment as I try to un-feel the pinching sensation all over my body. I've been more productive than usual today, helping with the laundry and doing a bit of grass-cutting. I've also done my assignment in WriPrin (just fixing the handout, really) and my other regular chores like cooking lunch and washing the dishes. But I'm not really feeling happy about it. I'm not fulfilled or anything. I'm just really tired.

I don't hate doing chores or anything. I just hate the feeling that I can't rest after doing them. I always have projects to do (academic, org or personal) and sleeping when I know that I should do them instead makes me feel guilty! And I'm at the stage where I worry about whether to sleep or do them and end up doing nothing... which consequently leads to procrastinating the next day.

I just, I really need a break. Just a short one.

I've been diligent the whole week and this day too so I deserve a bit of rest, right? (Sorry if I sound whiny) But a part of me disagrees because a part of me keeps on seeing my to-do list. Uggggggh. I'm so confusing.

Well, at the moment, I'm going to sing. Then sleep. Then wake up early and do everything else.

Oh, wait. I have another thought.

Truth? I wish I could just tell people that I don't feel too well and I need rest. But that would disappoint them so, no.

Biyernes, Abril 25, 2014

WriPrin: Reboot

For six years, I have called myself a student journalist.


My "writing career" started in BAKAS, the elementary publication of De La Salle Lipa.
     I wasn't planning on joining the school paper and I haven't even developed my love for writing then. It was my English teacher that persuaded me to try the qualifying exams. I gave it a shot, not really knowing anything about news, feature and editorial writing and by some miracle, I got in. I was given the titles "news editor" and "feature editor" during my two years of stay and that was how I learned about the journalistic writing style.
     Back then, there was no pressure of publishing a paper on time because our advisers took care of it. They were the one that edited and gave topics too. Plus, a company was responsible for designing our pages. All I had to do was to write and enjoy the raw happiness I get by doing it.

When I got to high school, I experienced some sort of an identity crisis so I took two years off, trying to figure out what I really wanted to happen with my life. It was during my third year that I joined BULIK, DLSL's secondary level publication. 
     My friends wanted to try-out so I thought hey, why not? You did well in your English classes anyway. I got in with them as staff writers.
     This was the period of my life when I learned to be confident about the articles I wrote. Our advisers gave me constructive criticisms that encouraged me to improve. By this time, I also got a clearer background on what students do in a publication - interviewing, gathering news bits, editing and lay-outing.

BULIK staffers of SY 06-07

I continued writing in the school paper during my senior year as the feature editor. 
     I didn't know that being labelled as the "editor" meant being in-charge of a section so I struggled and there was no one I could turn to. I wasn't warm and cozy with my adviser then and my co-writers also didn't  have a clue. But that didn't stop me. I tried to become an active member, helping whenever I can. I even ended up doing tasks that didn't cover my expertise like lay-outing my pages and editing graphic illustrations.
   But I felt like my efforts didn't pay off. I was always exerting so much  into tasks but once someone who could do better comes along, I would be easily pushed aside. In a way, I was "traumatized" because I actually loved to write then and I was starting to fall in love with working for the paper too. But the "family experience" of being a part of the publication was missing. Whenever I revisit my memories of 4th year BULIK days, the word "toxic" pops up in my head. It was only work, work, work.

Despite my obvious hesitation to join the college publication, LAVOXA, a friend encouraged me to do so and I eventually applied. 
     It was difficult to adjust from being the scared and cautious writer I learned to become to a LAVOXA-n. You see, the environment there was different. Being a part of the organization meant interacting with the coolest of the weirdest people that existed in DLSL. It was great but intimidating at the same time. I was conflicted since I was given a chance to belong to another family but I was hesitant to join in because of my past experience. That's why, initially, being in LAVOXA was something I treated professionally only.
     Of course, I adjusted after a while and I opened up to the people there. Not only was I spreading my wings as a campus journalist but also, I was building friendships that would last beyond forever. 
    As far as my two-year stay, my writing style has changed dramatically and I've also understood the whole process of making the paper until the very last minute. It was life-changing since it was only now that I got the full cycle. Come to think of it, I spent four years in school publications not even understanding what was happening when I was there!

Top: Tabloid and Broadsheet editorial board SY13-14
Bottom: Tabloid and Broadsheet editorial board SY14-15

Now, why did I divide into my life as a journalist so far? Simple. Because I wanted to show you what being a "campus journalist" meant to me and how I defined being a writer then.
     I'll be honest. Back in high school and elementary, I wasn't concerned with what I could do for my readers. I was focused on what I could do for myself. I wrote to see my name on the paper so I could show it to my mom. I wrote to be a part of the editorial board that would look good next to my list of awards. I wrote to experience a lot of things like going to press conferences. I wrote just to finish the paper. I wrote to improve my writing skills and for the sole pleasure of being able to write. I didn't have a clue on how much power I had, power which could have done some good if I wrote the right things. I didn't fully understand my responsibilities and the importance of my job. 
     I wasn't much of a journalist at all.
     In college, I improved a bit, understanding that I had a purpose and envisioning the change that I could make. But I was still fooled by a common journalist error. Sure, I did my part as the editor and I selected topics that would be helpful to the students but I became a slave of the deadline. My intentions were good especially during the content selection of topics but there would come a time that I would be so bent on finishing on time that I just used any article available without considering their value. The quality definitely suffered... and I've never finished on time so my decisions were often useless. I was also a "slave" in the opposite way. Believing that the deadline is still far away, I would relax and eventually, put my whole section to sleep. That means, I let important stories pass by that could've informed a lot of people.

Its embarrassing  to say this, but I only realized the real essence of journalism a few days back.
     My professor in Writing for Print Media took us to AVR 2 to watch a film. I was expecting a boring documentary film on the life of a journalist but instead, I got "Kobe Shimbun No Nanonakakan."
     It was a Japanese film based on the experiences of Kobe Shimbun photojournalist, Mitsuyama and the publication he belonged in during an earthquake attack on January 17, 1995.

Movie poster from meiatrandom.blogspot.com

     It started with a quick tour of the publication office and introduction of characters plus Mitsuyama repeatedly saying that they didn't know that something would change their regular routines. After that, the big tragedy occurred and everybody was stricken. The rest of the film focused on the citizen's struggle to survive, the journalist's struggle between being sympathetic or doing their jobs and Kobe Shimbun's struggle to publish a paper despite the damages they've incurred.

Photo from: crunchyroll.com
     
If I would rate the movie according to scholarly standards, I wouldn't give it five stars though it is a good movie.
     The concept was a bit cliche; natural disasters were a thing of the past. I also found the acting a little exaggerated, though they were effective in stimulating emotions. On the positive side, the way it was shot, edited and colored were good and appropriate for the theme.

But as I watched the film, I didn't want to review it critically. I wanted to experience it.
     A few minutes into the film, I felt indifferent. I was just getting to know the characters and their Japanese names just blurred in my head. After a while, Mitsuyama's foreshadowing effect was growing old and (kind of) irritating. 
     But it changed when the earthquake occurred. I felt connected to the film. It wasn't only because I had a familiar experience but also because it brought my inner issues out especially those related to me being a "journalist".

Screen captures from: bloggang.com

Let me tell you this, I didn't expect to cry. But I did. 
     It started with the scenes where the EIC called another publication for help and Shito-kun burst in despite his injury. Those were powerful scenes for me because they portrayed the perfect publication spirit. They had a contagious drive that slowly consumed me as I watched. I saw how committed and passionate they were to their jobs and I wanted to feel that way. 
     They didn't have to work. They could've easily run away. But they came together as Kobe Shimbun because they had a duty to inform people of what happened.
    I felt that way only once and it was during my first meeting as the campus news editor. Then, I wanted my section to represent all the sectors of the student body. I wanted the paper to be useful to their college lives. But the feeling didn't last because in the first place, I didn't understand why I should have that drive and why it was important. Unintentionally, I placed my passion for journalism second to just finishing the paper.
     I want to feel like that again. I want to be so in love with my work that I'll be lost in it.

     I got more and more emotional especially during the "beating-the-deadline" scenes. I felt so guilty watching them running for their paper and begging for just a few minutes to make it while I thought of how I slacked off as a section editor. I wasted so many days that could've been allotted for editing articles and designing my pages. It was ironic, really. I had deadlines to beat and I always worry about them but I won't start working until the last minute. What kind of writer am I?
     Exactly! What kind of writer was I? I just realized how much I've taken for granted and how many mistakes I've made. I wasn't worthy to be called a journalist.
     And there I was, dumb-founded and looking for my identity as a journalist. Why was I writing? Who was I writing for? What does it mean to be a journalist?
     I felt just like Mitsuyama when he was unable to press the camera button.

     Mitsuyama and Yamane-san's conversation provided me a partial answer.
*Non-verbatim*
EIC: Mitsuyama, Have you been taking human pictures?
M: I can't. Do you know what's out there.
EIC: *says something encouraging*
M: Why do I have to take pictures?
EIC: To record them.
     To record them. To immortalize feelings and stories. How could I forget that?
     I was so caught up in other associated businesses and myself that I didn't see how simple it was. As a journalist, I should write the history of other people. How a bomb threatened their security once but got over it. How the administration promised to improve the turnstile that constantly bothered their morning routine. How they once stood on stage and received an award they didn't expect. How they partied during the college night and saw their favorite artists.
     Writing as a journalist isn't about winning at press conferences or just having printed copies to distribute. It meant writing stories, good and bad, because those stories built the community and represented it.
     When you are a journalist, you have a responsibility to play in the society and that's why you do it.

(A/N: Sorry this is taking so long. I'm not sure I'm making sense anymore. It's just emotion overflow, really.)

     That's why they did it. They faced a natural disaster and put aside their families and ethical standards for Kobe Shimbun. I get it now. It wasn't really about the earthquake. It was about the fight they put up no matter how confused they all were.
     Ha, thinking about this now, I realized that through the movie, I experienced an earthquake of my own... one that shook my principles. I couldn't get over the feels that easily so I delayed writing this. It was hard to think of the right conclusion days ago when I wasn't sure of myself. 
     But now that I've had some sort of epiphany and that I'm close to ending this, I feel lighter. Plus, I'm sure that I've learned a great deal. I made mistakes in the past but now, I can make up for them. And that's what's important, write? (Pun intended.)
     Six years. I've been labelled as campus journalist for six long years. But as far as I'm concerned, I rebooted the record two days ago.
     And I needed that. :)
    




News Bit: Under Arrest on Day 4

The Philippine Crime Investigation and Detection Group (CIDG) arrested Reynaldo Villar around four in the afternoon at his home, April 24. The former chief on commission on audit was suspected of misusing PHP 366 million of the PSCO funds. He is detained along with former president Gloria Macapagal Arroyo.

(Source: The Philippine Star, April 25)

28-Day Challenge: Day 3: Fears

Why did I choose this topic again? Hahaha. 
Okay, let's get this over with.

I'm afraid, just like any other human being. 


I don't have a specific phobia, though. But instead of enumerating the things that I am afraid of, I'll write about how I approach the different aspects of "fear" instead.

Fear as in horror movies and haunted houses

I'm not a fan of all things horror but I could stand them. I mean, if my friends wanted to watch Paranormal or Final destination, I would join them (not for the movie but so I could spent time with them.) I get scared, yes, but it doesn't bother me at night. For some reason, I could push the scary feeling away.
*Fun fact: When I'm already sitting on my feet, that means I'm scared.

Fear as in nightmares

I've had a lot of nightmares growing up and I believe that they were caused by supernatural forces in our old house. :))))))))))) Yes, I grew up in a subdivision where allegedly dwarves, tiktik, mananangal and kapres lived but that's another story. Anyway, I always had scary and reoccurring dreams before and (sorry I can't share it) yun.

Fear as in the raw sensation of being afraid

I'm afraid of: being rejected, making a mistake during a bank transaction and looking like a complete idiot, being lonely, failing other people and not reaching expectations. These are simple things that target the me inside.

Huwebes, Abril 24, 2014

News Bit: Another bus accident on Day 3



Fourteen were wounded after a bus ran into a tree in Camarines Sur. The bus, coming from Manila, contained 34 passangers. The driver, Alejandro Reyes lost control of the vehicle due to the slipperiness of the road. As of date, he undergoing investigation. Meanwhile, the wounded are still being treated at the hospital.

(Source: Umagang Kay Ganda, April 24)

FashDash: Summer Day 4

I decided to dress up again today. I'm actually planning to dress up every other day so that won't exhaust my wardrobe and build high expectations from other people.

Top: Short body-fit vintage-print dress from an unknown brand
Bottom: Black jeggings
Accessory: Long pearl necklace
Footwear: Heels from Rusty Lopez

I like how sister took this shot. It made the look blend well with the environment. I just wished that the dress would've been tighter so that my curves would be emphasized. Hihi.


Miyerkules, Abril 23, 2014

28-day Challenge: Day 2: Dreams

"Dreams" can refer to a lot of things.

Dreams as the short film that played in my head last night

I don't remember last night's dream so I'm just going to share a special dream that made me smile whenever I remember it. It started at a campus. I was supposedly organizing some sort of festival and I was getting stressed. Then a guy that I think I know but couldn't remember the name called me from the window of a build across where I was. I greeted him back and I felt all KV. for some reason, I knew that he was the One.

Dreams as in what I hope for the future

I want to have a writing career, publish novels and make movie adaptations of my story. Career-wise, that's what I'd like to happen in my life. But... I know how hard it is to be an accomplished writer and I know that I'm not that great and unique to be the only exception. That's why I plan to work my way up through the magazine industry.

Dreams as in far-fetched fantasies

Confession: ever since "The Little Mermaid," I wanted to be one. I want to stay in the beach, grow a tail and sing underwater!

News bit: Olonggapo Bus Incident on Day 2

LTRFB plans to file a preventive suspension order against 42 buses of the Victory Liner due to the recent Olonggapo incident

A bus from that company fell from a cliff where one died and ten other people were injured. According to investigations, the break worked but the driver lost control of the vehicle when an elder crossed the rode. The driver, Allan Bustos, was charged of reckless imprudence resulting to homicide. Meanwhile, the company promised to pay for the  expenses of all the victims.

(Source: Umagang kay Ganda's broadcast, April 23)

On my femininity, Ol' McDonald and my blog name

"Pollenpiggy"

When I was younger, I was a chubby girl. Then, it was a good thing because having extra pinch-able cheeks scored points from the lolos and lolas. My flabby tummy, for some reason, made other people like me. Plus, being chubby was equated to being cute so there was no problem with that.

But then I had to grow up and I had to learn that thin is beautiful and beautiful is powerful. Because of peer pressure and societal conventions, I unloved the very body I was gifted with. I wasn't open about this to the closest to me and to even myself then, but I was insecure for a lot of reasons.

So of course, being called as "baboy", even as an endearment, stung. It was a little reminder that I was fat and fat wasn't beautiful. And being made to feel not beautiful, unlike everyone else who seemed on auto-pretty mode, hurt because I wanted to accept myself for who I am but "who I am" seemed unacceptable to everyone else.

Initially, when my HS friends called me that, I felt bad though I never told them that. I just kept it in because I didn't really want to cause a riot.

It was in senior year when my view on that nickname changed. I don't remember how it happened but I became a part of the "pig family." Unlike my usual reaction, I was happy to belong in such a group. I had a mama pig, daddy pig, sister pig and pig niece! Basically, we were five people that just called each other "baboy" but treated every member as family.

During that time, I realized that being a pig wasn't so bad especially if there would be people to accept you. In a way, that whole situation was a metaphor. Everyone is a pig with, you know, a little bit of mud. But no matter how dirty or disgusting being a pig is, if someone would take care of you and appreciate you, your pig-ness won't really bug you anymore.

"Baboy" didn't sound like an insult to me since then and answering to it didn't mean demeaning my self worth. It meant that I was accepting my flaws, that I could never be the perfect model of society's standards and that I know that despite my imperfections, someone could invite me into their little pig family and appreciate the me that I sometimes hate.

I named my blog (and my twitter username) as "pollenpiggy" to embrace that I am a pig. I am imperfect but I don't have to live up to the standards of others.

Plus, there's the saying that "when pigs fly" which often implies that something's impossible to happen. I'm that pig, trying to fly when everyone thinks (and says) that I can't. But as "pollenpiggy", I'm telling the world that I won't give up. I want to reach my dreams and achieve the impossible. One day, I will fly.

"Pollenpiggy" is not just a cute jeje name. Now, you know why.

Martes, Abril 22, 2014

28-day Challenge: Day 1: Current Routine

Side note: I'm supposed to be washing dishes as of the time I'm writing this but then, blogging is just so much more fun.

At the moment, I'm able to wake up a few minutes before 5:00 or 5:30.

After that, I open the television to listen to news as I do other morning rituals. I eat breakfast and take a bath. I get dressed, ladidadi. Basically, I prepare for school.

I go to school at 6:30 AM or so and hang by the Student's Park for some me time. I'd either eat or do my homework.

Classes starts at 7:30 until 12:30 but I (as of date) stay in school until 5:00/6:00 PM with my Lavoxa family.

When I get home, I try not to sleep and do productive things. This includes setting dinner and washing the dishes.

Despite my efforts to sleep early, I end up awake until 12:00/1:00/2:00 AM.

That's just my day really. I don't do much but I still lack time for a lot of things. But then again, I'd rather have this schedule rather than experience days with no sleep and peace of mind.

News Bit: Napoles on Day 1

For our WriBrod class, we have to study news reports and present them in class the next day.

In the past, I didn't like news stuff because to me, they were complicated. I hated writing them because they were to plain while I hated reading them since they bore bad news more of the time. But after being the Campus editor of Lavoxa and having a day to whole-heartedly listen to a morning show, I'm loving it and I want to be dedicated to learning current events. I don't want to be apathetic and pessimistic anymore.

To record my momentous epiphany, I'm posting the daily reports that I would prepare. Today's about the latest Napoles development.

Napoles, to reveal PDAF secrets (April 22, 2014)

My news bit came from ABSCBN's Umagang Kay Ganda broadcast today.
Janet Lim Napoles told Sec. Lilah De Lima that she would share the pork barrel scam secrets in exchange of becoming a state witness. 
In an exclusive interview with the ABSCBN news team earlier this morning, the DOJ secretary told the reporters that Napoles requested to see her personally.
She said, "She's ready to speak up. She's ready to tell all and t execute an affidavit. I agreed to talk to her under those conditions - that she will tell all that she knows about the PDAF scam." 
Napoles agreed to give her statement before she undergoes a cyst-removal surgery later this evening in case it goes wrong.
Despite this, Sec. De Lima did not promise to make her a state witness since they have to evaluate her statement frst.

FashDash: Summer Day 2

No, this isn't a recap of how my day went since that would probably bore you to death. Instead, I'm going to share what I wore for the day.

I know, I know. I'm not a fashion blogger and trust me, this isn't a fashion blog but I'm doing this as a personal project with my sister, Ish. She and I wanted to upgrade our wardrobe or something and in a way, we needed that to... improve our sense of femininity, maybe.

Truth is, I'm not a girly girl though floral, vintage and elegant designs, I seem to have fallen out of the "How-to-be-a-Lady" manual of our society. I didn't dress up and put make-up before. I didn't mind fashion trends. And it's only now that I realize the importance of gussying up. This "FashDask" thing will keep track of my progress when it comes to mixing and matching clothes.

Warning: I'm not a model of any kind (except maybe a role model youth, haha) so don't expect one.


Inside shirt: Bright red velvet crop top from Toppings; 
Dress: Checkered-balloon dress from Clanline;
Footwear: Native style heeled-step in from Mario d'Boro;
Heart necklace from my lola Ason

That's me in my mom's room. No filter. No make-up.

Looking at it, I don't thing the shirt's color matched the look, actually. Hmm, I'll do better next time then! :)

Happy New Year!

It's not the 1st of January or anything but it is the time for me to restart this blog.

As you may have noticed, my last post was way back June 2012. I didn't use this site since then because I didn't really feel the blogspot environment and I became more active in the Tumblr community.

But now, due to a project in my WriPrin summer class, I've decided to turn a new leaf and give this blog one more shot. From now on, I will try to post meaningful ideas here daily.

To guide me is a list I made for my 28-day blogging challenge:





Of course I'd be posting about stuff other than that those above. It will just get me by during days when I couldn't think of anything to write about.

Anyway, since it is my blogspot new year, I'd like to do a little recap of what has happened since 2012 so that I can move on to the future.

Currently, I'm a second year AB COMM student in De La Salle Lipa, taking her summer classes. I was a required term prescribed in our curriculum. I'm a campus journalist at Lavoxa and is holding the position of the associate editor of Utak Berde. I'm single and in love with God. And yes, I guess, those are some of the most basic deets about me.

Now that I'm older, expect less of the sappy teenage girl I was before. I'm still sappy and still a romantic writer but I think I'm asking bigger questions now and my mind is the sea where they float. More on my mind soon. :)