For six years, I have called myself a student journalist.
My "writing career" started in BAKAS, the elementary publication of De La Salle Lipa.
I wasn't planning on joining the school paper and I haven't even developed my love for writing then. It was my English teacher that persuaded me to try the qualifying exams. I gave it a shot, not really knowing anything about news, feature and editorial writing and by some miracle, I got in. I was given the titles "news editor" and "feature editor" during my two years of stay and that was how I learned about the journalistic writing style.
Back then, there was no pressure of publishing a paper on time because our advisers took care of it. They were the one that edited and gave topics too. Plus, a company was responsible for designing our pages. All I had to do was to write and enjoy the raw happiness I get by doing it.
When I got to high school, I experienced some sort of an identity crisis so I took two years off, trying to figure out what I really wanted to happen with my life. It was during my third year that I joined BULIK, DLSL's secondary level publication.
My friends wanted to try-out so I thought hey, why not? You did well in your English classes anyway. I got in with them as staff writers.
This was the period of my life when I learned to be confident about the articles I wrote. Our advisers gave me constructive criticisms that encouraged me to improve. By this time, I also got a clearer background on what students do in a publication - interviewing, gathering news bits, editing and lay-outing.
BULIK staffers of SY 06-07
I continued writing in the school paper during my senior year as the feature editor.
I didn't know that being labelled as the "editor" meant being in-charge of a section so I struggled and there was no one I could turn to. I wasn't warm and cozy with my adviser then and my co-writers also didn't have a clue. But that didn't stop me. I tried to become an active member, helping whenever I can. I even ended up doing tasks that didn't cover my expertise like lay-outing my pages and editing graphic illustrations.
But I felt like my efforts didn't pay off. I was always exerting so much into tasks but once someone who could do better comes along, I would be easily pushed aside. In a way, I was "traumatized" because I actually loved to write then and I was starting to fall in love with working for the paper too. But the "family experience" of being a part of the publication was missing. Whenever I revisit my memories of 4th year BULIK days, the word "toxic" pops up in my head. It was only work, work, work.
Despite my obvious hesitation to join the college publication, LAVOXA, a friend encouraged me to do so and I eventually applied.
It was difficult to adjust from being the scared and cautious writer I learned to become to a LAVOXA-n. You see, the environment there was different. Being a part of the organization meant interacting with the coolest of the weirdest people that existed in DLSL. It was great but intimidating at the same time. I was conflicted since I was given a chance to belong to another family but I was hesitant to join in because of my past experience. That's why, initially, being in LAVOXA was something I treated professionally only.
Of course, I adjusted after a while and I opened up to the people there. Not only was I spreading my wings as a campus journalist but also, I was building friendships that would last beyond forever.
As far as my two-year stay, my writing style has changed dramatically and I've also understood the whole process of making the paper until the very last minute. It was life-changing since it was only now that I got the full cycle. Come to think of it, I spent four years in school publications not even understanding what was happening when I was there!
Top: Tabloid and Broadsheet editorial board SY13-14
Bottom: Tabloid and Broadsheet editorial board SY14-15
Now, why did I divide into my life as a journalist so far? Simple. Because I wanted to show you what being a "campus journalist" meant to me and how I defined being a writer then.
I'll be honest. Back in high school and elementary, I wasn't concerned with what I could do for my readers. I was focused on what I could do for myself. I wrote to see my name on the paper so I could show it to my mom. I wrote to be a part of the editorial board that would look good next to my list of awards. I wrote to experience a lot of things like going to press conferences. I wrote just to finish the paper. I wrote to improve my writing skills and for the sole pleasure of being able to write. I didn't have a clue on how much power I had, power which could have done some good if I wrote the right things. I didn't fully understand my responsibilities and the importance of my job.
I wasn't much of a journalist at all.
In college, I improved a bit, understanding that I had a purpose and envisioning the change that I could make. But I was still fooled by a common journalist error. Sure, I did my part as the editor and I selected topics that would be helpful to the students but I became a slave of the deadline. My intentions were good especially during the content selection of topics but there would come a time that I would be so bent on finishing on time that I just used any article available without considering their value. The quality definitely suffered... and I've never finished on time so my decisions were often useless. I was also a "slave" in the opposite way. Believing that the deadline is still far away, I would relax and eventually, put my whole section to sleep. That means, I let important stories pass by that could've informed a lot of people.
Its embarrassing to say this, but I only realized the real essence of journalism a few days back.
My professor in Writing for Print Media took us to AVR 2 to watch a film. I was expecting a boring documentary film on the life of a journalist but instead, I got "Kobe Shimbun No Nanonakakan."
It was a Japanese film based on the experiences of Kobe Shimbun photojournalist, Mitsuyama and the publication he belonged in during an earthquake attack on January 17, 1995.
Movie poster from meiatrandom.blogspot.com
It started with a quick tour of the publication office and introduction of characters plus Mitsuyama repeatedly saying that they didn't know that something would change their regular routines. After that, the big tragedy occurred and everybody was stricken. The rest of the film focused on the citizen's struggle to survive, the journalist's struggle between being sympathetic or doing their jobs and Kobe Shimbun's struggle to publish a paper despite the damages they've incurred.
Photo from: crunchyroll.com
If I would rate the movie according to scholarly standards, I wouldn't give it five stars though it is a good movie.
The concept was a bit cliche; natural disasters were a thing of the past. I also found the acting a little exaggerated, though they were effective in stimulating emotions. On the positive side, the way it was shot, edited and colored were good and appropriate for the theme.
But as I watched the film, I didn't want to review it critically. I wanted to experience it.
A few minutes into the film, I felt indifferent. I was just getting to know the characters and their Japanese names just blurred in my head. After a while, Mitsuyama's foreshadowing effect was growing old and (kind of) irritating.
But it changed when the earthquake occurred. I felt connected to the film. It wasn't only because I had a familiar experience but also because it brought my inner issues out especially those related to me being a "journalist".
Screen captures from: bloggang.com
Let me tell you this, I didn't expect to cry. But I did.
It started with the scenes where the EIC called another publication for help and Shito-kun burst in despite his injury. Those were powerful scenes for me because they portrayed the perfect publication spirit. They had a contagious drive that slowly consumed me as I watched. I saw how committed and passionate they were to their jobs and I wanted to feel that way.
They didn't have to work. They could've easily run away. But they came together as Kobe Shimbun because they had a duty to inform people of what happened.
I felt that way only once and it was during my first meeting as the campus news editor. Then, I wanted my section to represent all the sectors of the student body. I wanted the paper to be useful to their college lives. But the feeling didn't last because in the first place, I didn't understand why I should have that drive and why it was important. Unintentionally, I placed my passion for journalism second to just finishing the paper.
I want to feel like that again. I want to be so in love with my work that I'll be lost in it.
I got more and more emotional especially during the "beating-the-deadline" scenes. I felt so guilty watching them running for their paper and begging for just a few minutes to make it while I thought of how I slacked off as a section editor. I wasted so many days that could've been allotted for editing articles and designing my pages. It was ironic, really. I had deadlines to beat and I always worry about them but I won't start working until the last minute. What kind of writer am I?
Exactly! What kind of writer was I? I just realized how much I've taken for granted and how many mistakes I've made. I wasn't worthy to be called a journalist.
And there I was, dumb-founded and looking for my identity as a journalist. Why was I writing? Who was I writing for? What does it mean to be a journalist?
I felt just like Mitsuyama when he was unable to press the camera button.
Mitsuyama and Yamane-san's conversation provided me a partial answer.
*Non-verbatim*
EIC: Mitsuyama, Have you been taking human pictures?
M: I can't. Do you know what's out there.
EIC: *says something encouraging*
M: Why do I have to take pictures?
EIC: To record them.
To record them. To immortalize feelings and stories. How could I forget that?
I was so caught up in other associated businesses and myself that I didn't see how simple it was. As a journalist, I should write the history of other people. How a bomb threatened their security once but got over it. How the administration promised to improve the turnstile that constantly bothered their morning routine. How they once stood on stage and received an award they didn't expect. How they partied during the college night and saw their favorite artists.
Writing as a journalist isn't about winning at press conferences or just having printed copies to distribute. It meant writing stories, good and bad, because those stories built the community and represented it.
When you are a journalist, you have a responsibility to play in the society and that's why you do it.
(A/N: Sorry this is taking so long. I'm not sure I'm making sense anymore. It's just emotion overflow, really.)
That's why they did it. They faced a natural disaster and put aside their families and ethical standards for Kobe Shimbun. I get it now. It wasn't really about the earthquake. It was about the fight they put up no matter how confused they all were.
Ha, thinking about this now, I realized that through the movie, I experienced an earthquake of my own... one that shook my principles. I couldn't get over the feels that easily so I delayed writing this. It was hard to think of the right conclusion days ago when I wasn't sure of myself.
But now that I've had some sort of epiphany and that I'm close to ending this, I feel lighter. Plus, I'm sure that I've learned a great deal. I made mistakes in the past but now, I can make up for them. And that's what's important, write? (Pun intended.)
Six years. I've been labelled as campus journalist for six long years. But as far as I'm concerned, I rebooted the record two days ago.
And I needed that. :)
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