I never really felt sure of my gender until I had my first "meron". After all, people always associated being a woman with menstruation.
It was a "big deal" for me then because I actually doubted that I was even female! My classmates were already experiencing the change while I waited and got the weird thoughts in my head (like being born an alien). It even got to the point that when my first day finally came, my first thought was "YES! I'M A GIRL! BOOM BABY!" instead of a normal panicked reaction.
And for the several years that followed, that was enough for me. I didn't need any other assurance. I was a woman, biologically and I didn't feel the need to dwell on that matter any further.
But to be honest, I didn't really understand what it meant to be one until the Women's Feature Service Creative Non-Fiction Workshop last May 2 to 4.
I was given the opportunity to attend that workshop in Cavite and it was nothing like what I expected. I've only attended presscons when it came to writing-related events and I thought that it will be just like that (minus the competitions). I didn't think that it would change my life in an instant.
I arrived in school at around 7:00 AM to meet-up with Sir Bruce and Ate Karla (LVX-an). While sitting at the lobby, I read the essays in the e-kit (because I failed to finish the last three articles that I was supposed to comment on.) As I read, Sir B and I waited for Ate Karla. When she finally arrived, we rode the van to Cavite.
For the two hour drive, I was mostly asleep and trying to move the air-con breeze away from the top of my head. When we arrived at the venue, my mind was still a mess. I wanted to sleep more.
But after a few eye blinks, I adjusted my view and saw how wonderful the wellness center we would be staying at was. Unlike a totally modern and sophisticated design that I anticipated, I was welcomed by a burst of nature... which was a relief on my part. I imagined spas, hot springs and exercise rooms full of yoga things to be a part of the workshop and I wasn't used to those elitist stuff. I'd probably wreck them or embarrass myself if I tried too hard using them. I was more at home with the trees, flowers and a breath of fresh air, really.
Our group arrived first so we had to lounge about at the dining area while we waited for the others. There, we had to learn about the slipper counter thing. We would pick a slipper with a number from the slipper shelf in exchange of our footwear. That would be the inside slippers that we'd use inside the facilities. It was tedious especially if one would do it repetitively but it made my memories at the center more special.
We met Nanay Nyebes (Tita Snow) who was a fellow Lipeno. By then, I was still getting a feel of the place and wanted to stay quiet. The whole place reminded me of a retreat center (that I think it really is) and it was one factor that made me keep the silence.
But instead of letting the awkward air hang and idleness sit in, Ate Karla and I opted to settle in our rooms. We were assigned to Room 12 and I took the bed on the left. Afterwards, we took a short tour around.
When we got back, people came pouring in the dining room door. It stunned me for a while when I noted how old they were. If not for two other fellows from St. Scho, Ate Karla and I would feel totally out of place.
Being overwhelmed, I wanted to just observe by the sidelines and not bother the facilitators until they talked to me. But Ate Karla had a different plan. She politely greeted everyone with a "good morning" and she was rewarded with smiles. I admired how she handled the situation then because she managed to reach out.
We ate morning snacks before the start of the workshop. Ate K and I sat in a table for five (?) with some of the facilitators. If I'm not mistaken, they were Ms. Dyosa, May-i and ____. I stayed silent and observed them along with the others.
Sir B went back to Lipa after eating and Ate Karla and I were left to survive.
After the snack break, we went up for the opening ceremony and lectures.
Ms. Marj, Sir B's former teacher, came up first, welcomed everyone and introduced the panelists and other guests. That was when I realized that I was graced with the presence of the best women writers in the Philippines. Published writers and journalists were there and, and... wow! I mean, come on. Ma. Ceres Doyo was just an item in our Prinmed test before and then she just pops into my life... a few meters away!
It was then that I realized how big of an opportunity I had in my hands. Sir B gave me a nudge in the right direction and if I don't mess it up, I could actually get a shot at my dreams.
Ms. Clark took the floor after her to present the objectives and mechanics of the event.
After that, Ms. Olive, the WFS chair, introduced us to their organization.
We finished early so we had a group discussion on women's issues before the break. That's when I heard most of them speak up, speak up in English. That was amazing for me because the way they spoke alone could bring tears to my eyes. Plus, we were all having intellectual conversations. It was just like a little girl time only I was facing really opinionated and smart girls. And I longed for those types of discussions because it fed my soul.
During the discussion, we came across the topic of a radical feminist and just feminism in general and that was when I questioned my presence in the activity. I mean, sure, I was a woman but I wasn't sure I would qualify as a feminist.
To me, a feminist was someone who fought for women's rights, for gender equality. And though I advocate both, I wasn't outspoken about it. I never felt the need to shout it out since I didn't see that the world is unfair to women. But that was me, in my tiny self-centered world.
Yet, after hearing the opinions of the other participants about that, I was able to give my own definition of the kind of feminist that I am. I'm the story-teller. I'm the feminist that will make sure that stories on women will not be misrepresented. I'll be the feminist that will make sure that there are stories on women and that their voices will be hear. In my silent protest, other women would find their voice. (A/N: Just had a deep moment.)
We went down for lunch after that and the staff served tons of vegetable dishes. I love vegetables so you can imagine what happened next. *wink* But after we filled our plates, we felt like high schoolers again -struggling to find our seats in the cafeteria. We decided to seat with the other two students and just wing it.
If I remember it correctly, Ms. Pinky sat with us too. She actually reminded me of someone close to me. *wink* With her, we talked more about feminism and religion. It was an engaging conversation and at the same time, a strive of de ja vu since even the topics that she talked about was similar to the interest of the person that she reminded me of.
 |
| View from the entrance of the dining area |
Our group arrived first so we had to lounge about at the dining area while we waited for the others. There, we had to learn about the slipper counter thing. We would pick a slipper with a number from the slipper shelf in exchange of our footwear. That would be the inside slippers that we'd use inside the facilities. It was tedious especially if one would do it repetitively but it made my memories at the center more special.
 |
| My slippers! |
But instead of letting the awkward air hang and idleness sit in, Ate Karla and I opted to settle in our rooms. We were assigned to Room 12 and I took the bed on the left. Afterwards, we took a short tour around.
 |
| Some pictures I took |
Being overwhelmed, I wanted to just observe by the sidelines and not bother the facilitators until they talked to me. But Ate Karla had a different plan. She politely greeted everyone with a "good morning" and she was rewarded with smiles. I admired how she handled the situation then because she managed to reach out.
We ate morning snacks before the start of the workshop. Ate K and I sat in a table for five (?) with some of the facilitators. If I'm not mistaken, they were Ms. Dyosa, May-i and ____. I stayed silent and observed them along with the others.
Sir B went back to Lipa after eating and Ate Karla and I were left to survive.
After the snack break, we went up for the opening ceremony and lectures.
Ms. Marj, Sir B's former teacher, came up first, welcomed everyone and introduced the panelists and other guests. That was when I realized that I was graced with the presence of the best women writers in the Philippines. Published writers and journalists were there and, and... wow! I mean, come on. Ma. Ceres Doyo was just an item in our Prinmed test before and then she just pops into my life... a few meters away!
It was then that I realized how big of an opportunity I had in my hands. Sir B gave me a nudge in the right direction and if I don't mess it up, I could actually get a shot at my dreams.
Ms. Clark took the floor after her to present the objectives and mechanics of the event.
 |
| Ms. Clark, one of the activity coordinators |
 |
| From left to right: Ms. Olive and Ms. Carrie |
During the discussion, we came across the topic of a radical feminist and just feminism in general and that was when I questioned my presence in the activity. I mean, sure, I was a woman but I wasn't sure I would qualify as a feminist.
To me, a feminist was someone who fought for women's rights, for gender equality. And though I advocate both, I wasn't outspoken about it. I never felt the need to shout it out since I didn't see that the world is unfair to women. But that was me, in my tiny self-centered world.
Yet, after hearing the opinions of the other participants about that, I was able to give my own definition of the kind of feminist that I am. I'm the story-teller. I'm the feminist that will make sure that stories on women will not be misrepresented. I'll be the feminist that will make sure that there are stories on women and that their voices will be hear. In my silent protest, other women would find their voice. (A/N: Just had a deep moment.)
We went down for lunch after that and the staff served tons of vegetable dishes. I love vegetables so you can imagine what happened next. *wink* But after we filled our plates, we felt like high schoolers again -struggling to find our seats in the cafeteria. We decided to seat with the other two students and just wing it.
If I remember it correctly, Ms. Pinky sat with us too. She actually reminded me of someone close to me. *wink* With her, we talked more about feminism and religion. It was an engaging conversation and at the same time, a strive of de ja vu since even the topics that she talked about was similar to the interest of the person that she reminded me of.
After lunch, the lectures commenced. It started with Ms. Marj's discussion on Autobiography and Creative Non-fiction in general. That was followed by Ms. Grace's talk on Community Papers where she shared the story of the paper they started in their town. Then, Ms. Ceres gabbed about column writing and Ms. Padma about blogging.
To be honest, I didn't give the talks a 100% of my attention for the following reasons: 1) I had to document the events for my WriBrod project, 2) I was getting sleepy again and 3) I was on the mat and my numbing legs bothered me. But I did pick up some things which helped me develop as a writer.
My favorite lecture was that on blogging because I really related to that. Obviously. And it was given by Ms. Padma whom I really wanted to get to know the first time I heard her voice.
 |
| Ms. Padma, probably thinking about something |
It was also a way to give back to the speakers since that topic was an expertise of the x generation. That and I'm just really a passionate blogger.
Once the lectures were finished, we had another group discussion on the misrepresentation of women. Again, I was struck with how amazing they were. I was a bit hesitant to speak up (and make mistakes) but I could not not participate with the kind of energy they gave off.
When all the sessions were over, we ate dinner. We still sat with the St. Scho delegates but that time, Ms. Olive sat with us.
Sitting with her was an eye opener because she talked about her corporate life as a journalist and an advertising executive. And for incoming third year AB COMM students, we have to pick out an elective: JOURN or ADVERT. I'm all for journ, still but I think some of my friends would find the sharing of my experience helpful.
Ms. O started as a journalist for a newspaper company. She enjoyed her work and was passionate about it but when it came to payday, the articles that she worked for didn't cover the bills. So she quit and joined an advertising agency. Her job there was hectic and she mentioned squeezing her brain to come up with an original tagline. She stayed there until she was good to retire. But based on what I understood from her, she wouldn't want to come back to advertising again. Instead, she devotes the rest of her days in WFS to continue writing. In fact, she wants to write a book.
Hearing that there is no money in journ from people in school was different from hearing it from someone who experienced the field. I realized that I was too hopeful when it came to entering the writing world, only arming myself with passion against the reality that I need money (in many ways). I also kept saying that I'd enter the creative writing world anyway so I won't have to deal with those issues. But umm... just recently, I was considering entering newspapers too so that plan backfired.
On the other hand, there was advertising. In that career track, Ms. O proved that it's easier to earn there. But the way she described her experiences made me feel as if she wasn't completely happy with her choice. It was as if there's a bad memory related to it. I don't know. But she didn't exactly regret working with ads. She just said that she won't go back to it.
When it came to the end, she didn't pick any. At an old age, she picked writing and just writing. The truth is, you will write in both fields but you'll just use different methods of writing. Both will have perks and consequences and all you should pick is a choice that you won't regret.
I'm in love with journalism, still in love with it, despite all the "mistakes" that I might make and opportunities I might lose by choosing it. I'm in love with journalism, not just because it'll help me write better but also because it stands for honesty and the world might need just a bit of that.
Also, I can't live with myself knowing that I chose something that I'm not passionate for. I would blame myself everyday for that. For me, passion feeds the soul so I consider it more important than anything else. I'll wing it when billing dates come. As long as I strive to be better, I don't think our family would ever go hungry.
After picking an elective, I'll... (A/N I'll continue revealing my career plans in part 2)
Anyway, after dinner, Ate Karla and I bought natural bath products. It was one other rule of the center: using biodegradable products only. In all fairness, their papaya soap was amazing and the shampoo and conditioner smelled great.
Afterwards, we headed to the quarters and talked.
Ate Karla and I aren't really close inside the pub. We were friendly towards each other but we were comfortable with different sets of people. The workshop was the first time we had a one-on-one.
Truth? I loved her company. We literally talked for hours and whenever the conversation would reach a dead end, she'd think of a new one to talk about.
I also admire how similar and different we were. We could talk about the same books and different sets of beliefs and still be okay about each other.
I was also comfortable around her. I could open up about my personal relations without thinking twice.
Moreover, she was really opinionated which made our conversations stimulating.
After so-so hours, we went down and joined the participants to hang out in a casual context. It was different from the lecture-feels so I didn't know what to do at first. But eventually, I got the hang of it. I didn't share my stories but I listened at them instead. The seniors were so lively as they caught up with each other's lives. They were a bit loud but still classy.
We retired after a few minutes but Ate Karla and I didn't immediately go to bed. We continued sharing stories. We talked about all sorts of books and series! But no matter how I enjoyed the topic, my body was too drowsy. I began zoning out until I fell asleep.
Once the lectures were finished, we had another group discussion on the misrepresentation of women. Again, I was struck with how amazing they were. I was a bit hesitant to speak up (and make mistakes) but I could not not participate with the kind of energy they gave off.
When all the sessions were over, we ate dinner. We still sat with the St. Scho delegates but that time, Ms. Olive sat with us.
Sitting with her was an eye opener because she talked about her corporate life as a journalist and an advertising executive. And for incoming third year AB COMM students, we have to pick out an elective: JOURN or ADVERT. I'm all for journ, still but I think some of my friends would find the sharing of my experience helpful.
Ms. O started as a journalist for a newspaper company. She enjoyed her work and was passionate about it but when it came to payday, the articles that she worked for didn't cover the bills. So she quit and joined an advertising agency. Her job there was hectic and she mentioned squeezing her brain to come up with an original tagline. She stayed there until she was good to retire. But based on what I understood from her, she wouldn't want to come back to advertising again. Instead, she devotes the rest of her days in WFS to continue writing. In fact, she wants to write a book.
Hearing that there is no money in journ from people in school was different from hearing it from someone who experienced the field. I realized that I was too hopeful when it came to entering the writing world, only arming myself with passion against the reality that I need money (in many ways). I also kept saying that I'd enter the creative writing world anyway so I won't have to deal with those issues. But umm... just recently, I was considering entering newspapers too so that plan backfired.
On the other hand, there was advertising. In that career track, Ms. O proved that it's easier to earn there. But the way she described her experiences made me feel as if she wasn't completely happy with her choice. It was as if there's a bad memory related to it. I don't know. But she didn't exactly regret working with ads. She just said that she won't go back to it.
When it came to the end, she didn't pick any. At an old age, she picked writing and just writing. The truth is, you will write in both fields but you'll just use different methods of writing. Both will have perks and consequences and all you should pick is a choice that you won't regret.
I'm in love with journalism, still in love with it, despite all the "mistakes" that I might make and opportunities I might lose by choosing it. I'm in love with journalism, not just because it'll help me write better but also because it stands for honesty and the world might need just a bit of that.
Also, I can't live with myself knowing that I chose something that I'm not passionate for. I would blame myself everyday for that. For me, passion feeds the soul so I consider it more important than anything else. I'll wing it when billing dates come. As long as I strive to be better, I don't think our family would ever go hungry.
After picking an elective, I'll... (A/N I'll continue revealing my career plans in part 2)
Anyway, after dinner, Ate Karla and I bought natural bath products. It was one other rule of the center: using biodegradable products only. In all fairness, their papaya soap was amazing and the shampoo and conditioner smelled great.
Afterwards, we headed to the quarters and talked.
Ate Karla and I aren't really close inside the pub. We were friendly towards each other but we were comfortable with different sets of people. The workshop was the first time we had a one-on-one.
 |
| Ate Karla |
Truth? I loved her company. We literally talked for hours and whenever the conversation would reach a dead end, she'd think of a new one to talk about.
I also admire how similar and different we were. We could talk about the same books and different sets of beliefs and still be okay about each other.
I was also comfortable around her. I could open up about my personal relations without thinking twice.
Moreover, she was really opinionated which made our conversations stimulating.
After so-so hours, we went down and joined the participants to hang out in a casual context. It was different from the lecture-feels so I didn't know what to do at first. But eventually, I got the hang of it. I didn't share my stories but I listened at them instead. The seniors were so lively as they caught up with each other's lives. They were a bit loud but still classy.
We retired after a few minutes but Ate Karla and I didn't immediately go to bed. We continued sharing stories. We talked about all sorts of books and series! But no matter how I enjoyed the topic, my body was too drowsy. I began zoning out until I fell asleep.
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