But I am afraid. I'm afraid that I can't reach my goals. I'm afraid that I will fail and fall. I am scared that I will shatter and that this wonderful dream would be... gone forever. I am terrified of disappointing myself, others and God. I don't want them to mock me and overlook my efforts.
Failing -- it's not a great experience. It's not something that I look forward to everyday. And I can't say that I'm "alright" even after working hard and being rejected. Let me give you examples:
- Failing the test that you studied so hard for
- Being scolded by your mom even after you tidied your room
- Being rejected even after being brave to confess
- Finding out that your crush likes someone else after trying to be close to him
- Breaking up with your long time boyfriend
- Losing your childhood best friends
And that's not all of it. One word: OUCH.
I actually had an interesting experience to write this post today. Our reporting for a certain class is today. And it didn't go that well. I don't want to elaborate the details but I'll share how it felt.
I really didn't care much about the grade. I just really felt disappointed in me. I could've done better. I mean, given the time and resources, I'm sure that it'll work out. But I can't reverse the time... so I can just sigh. I want to blame someone but I find that every party is guilty one way or another. I want to be sad or to be angry... but nothing. I failed. What's the point in dwelling over the emotions that won't help? I'll just take this as a challenge and do better next time.
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